Monday, November 24, 2014

My heart lately...

I'm sitting here in my big blue recliner with a hot cup of milk tea (anyone? yum! I was introduced in China!), reading my Bible and spending time with the Lord during a time that's honestly been really hard.

I haven't shared anything too deep lately because I like to keep things positive here on the blog.  But y'all, I'm going to be honest, the past 4 months have been pretty hard on us.  I feel like we have no room to complain and have been 100% provided for as God made everything happen just right and so perfectly in our move from Dallas to San Antonio.

But being here has not been as easy as I thought it would be.  Though I don't have any new friends yet, I do have a few friends from high school and college, yet I still feel lonely.  Everyone has their own busy lives which is totally understandable.  But my go-to, encouraging people are not here. They are in other cities - Dallas, Seattle, Plano, Irving.  I so appreciate them calling and texting, but I wish they were here.  I can't just go get dinner with them or grab a cup of tea and chill.  Note: I do have my parents and sisters here and that keeps me going and makes me glad that I'm here!

Moving comes with a bit of loneliness, I suppose.

I always thought this: "I could move to the other side of the world where I have no friends and love on the local people in the name of Jesus and I would be totally content because I have the Jesus!"  Well, isn't that what the apostle, Paul, constantly said he did.  Surely I could.

But I find myself in another city, only 5 hours from where I was before and close to family, yet I'm in tears often.  Sheesh...I'm so not as strong as I thought I was!  I'm almost mad at myself for not handling it well.

Enough of the sad stuff though...onto what God is teaching me...

So my favorite verse EVER is Romans 8:28 -

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

God is supposed to be working for my good, right?!  I've always read that and thought it meant what I deem as "good".  What is "good" for me?  To be happy, to be comfortable, to have a good job, to have a happy marriage, etc.  But as great as those things are, they are not God's definition of good.

Let's back up a bit.  This has been my revelation today!  Look at verses 26 and 27.  They say this -

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for.  But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will."

Bam!  Now go back and read verse 28 above.  This brings different meaning for me.  Verse 28 starts with "and" which means it's a continuation from what was said before.

1 // The Holy Spirit is praying/interceding for me!  It is so humbling to know that even when I don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit is praying on my behalf for my good.  And God hears it and cares!

2 // The Holy Spirit isn't just praying anything, the Spirit is praying in harmony with God's will.  So this "good" we speak of, it's in accordance with God's will, not ours.  His view of "good" for us might not be what we were expecting.

I don't know why God has us down here yet but I do know that He's gotten us this far and is working for our good according to His will.  That's enough for me to have hope.

I know that as I dwell on this, my mood will be lifted just in knowing that God is at work here and cares about me.  And when I'm feeling lonely and don't know what to pray, the Spirit is praying for me.  Things won't always be like this.

Please don't get me wrong, I know they could be MUCH worse...I am SO grateful for what I have.  I'm just in a little funk.  Please keep me and my husband in your prayers.  We have hope for what God is doing!

16 comments:

  1. Oh Kelli! Hugs! Yes, He is with you. I hope this time of loneliness is renewed with lots of time with Jesus. Trusting He isn't doing this to make you sad or lonely, but He has you right where He wants you for a reason. Praying for you friend. Trusting His faithfulness over your life!

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  2. Way to be honest girl. I'm sorry you're struggling where you are right now, but God will use this season to teach you something, and it sounds like he already is :) Let's catch up soon!

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  3. Moving is tough. I will be praying for you!

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  4. Oh sweet friend do I understand this OR WHAT! We've moved entirely too many times in our short little marriage--and every single time I've found myself in the same position. Blessed beyond measure but tearful and lonely. I cannot even express to you how normal it is (and how much I empathize). As cliche as it is, I promise you it does get better--it just does. And you know what? You're human. You don't HAVE TO BE STRONG ALL THE TIME. It's okay and GOOD to break down every once in a while. Here for you <3

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  5. I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time adjusting to a new town. I don't handle change very well, so I can relate. It's always that weird in-between part of change that is the worst for me. I'm thankful that God was able to encourage you through His word! I'm praying for y'all as you adjust!

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  6. Moving is tough - and we are human. It's hard to start over in a new place, but you are so bubbly and nice that I know you'll make friends in no time. He is with you, and will guide you down this path. :) I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

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  7. Stay strong girl - you're never thrown anything you can't handle!! Thinking of you!! xo

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  8. Gah, I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and give you the biggest hug Kelli! You know what I love about this though - in the midst of all your struggles and heartache, you are so positive and falling on Jesus' love. THAT right there is why you and your husband will make it through this funk of a time. So many hugs, sweet friend!

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  9. I know where you are coming from, we moved away from our loved ones and family. It's so hard being away from my parents, especially when we lived a block away and saw them almost everyday. It's been such a struggle, I love this. Thanks for sharing. Will keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers!
    xoxo

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  10. Hate this for you 2, wish I could visit you for some quality girl time! Praying for you guys <3

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  11. Well.....I know we've discussed this and I know it is not easy, but you are doing the best thing by looking to God and His words for support. I wish I was there with you too, but you'll be here next week and I cannot wait! We are going to have a blast and get you out of that funk. :)

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  12. Oh girl, with 2 big moves under my belt since finishing college/getting married, I have to say I feel every word of what you're saying here! These days are hard. Hard on you. Hard on your hubby. Hard on your marriage. (and on and on.)

    I could write a novel about the things God has taught me in our lonely times. You would be shocked to learn of some of the trials my husband and I walked through during our already-shaky-just-moved-times. Let me encourage you by saying that there is a refinement that comes from times like these. You won't come through this unchanged...for the better. ;)

    And if nothing else, come on down to Rockport for a weekend getaway. We're only 2.5hrs away! ;)

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  13. Kelli-- I hope you know that you are not alone in your moving/building community struggles! I have felt the same way in recent years. Keep up the good perspectives and honest accessing. God will provide relationships if you keep putting yourself out there! We can often rely too much on our friends and not enough on the Lord -- I think you have gained fresh perspective during this time of struggle. Keep up the good work and sharing life with others. <3 I appreciate your post and am praying now as you build community in your new home.

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  14. I am SO sorry!!! It's so hard making new friends as an adult. I moved, in my 20's, across the state and had SUCH trouble making new friends. I'm praying for you!

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  15. Kelly, I have been praying for you and your husband. I know this cna be so rough and I can't even begin to put myself in your shoes. I know one thing for sure is that God's timing is perfect timing and I am sure He has something great for you! I hope you enjoy your holiday being close to your family. Just know you always have a friend in Rhode Island if you ever decide to move here!

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  16. Awww, I am so sorry to hear you've been in a bit of a funk. Thank you for sharing... because now I can add you to my prayers. God has plans for you my friend... for you and your husband. You've been faithful and something is happening in and through you right now.

    Blessings, comfort, and love to both of you.
    xoxo

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