I'm sitting here in my big blue recliner with a hot cup of milk tea (anyone? yum! I was introduced in China!), reading my Bible and spending time with the Lord during a time that's honestly been really hard.
I haven't shared anything too deep lately because I like to keep things positive here on the blog. But y'all, I'm going to be honest, the past 4 months have been pretty hard on us. I feel like we have no room to complain and have been 100% provided for as God made everything happen just right and so perfectly in our move from Dallas to San Antonio.
But being here has not been as easy as I thought it would be. Though I don't have any new friends yet, I do have a few friends from high school and college, yet I still feel lonely. Everyone has their own busy lives which is totally understandable. But my go-to, encouraging people are not here. They are in other cities - Dallas, Seattle, Plano, Irving. I so appreciate them calling and texting, but I wish they were here. I can't just go get dinner with them or grab a cup of tea and chill. Note: I do have my parents and sisters here and that keeps me going and makes me glad that I'm here!
Moving comes with a bit of loneliness, I suppose.
I always thought this: "I could move to the other side of the world where I have no friends and love on the local people in the name of Jesus and I would be totally content because I have the Jesus!" Well, isn't that what the apostle, Paul, constantly said he did. Surely I could.
But I find myself in another city, only 5 hours from where I was before and close to family, yet I'm in tears often. Sheesh...I'm so not as strong as I thought I was! I'm almost mad at myself for not handling it well.
Enough of the sad stuff though...onto what God is teaching me...
So my favorite verse EVER is Romans 8:28 -
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
God is supposed to be working for my good, right?! I've always read that and thought it meant what I deem as "good". What is "good" for me? To be happy, to be comfortable, to have a good job, to have a happy marriage, etc. But as great as those things are, they are not God's definition of good.
Let's back up a bit. This has been my revelation today! Look at verses 26 and 27. They say this -
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will."
Bam! Now go back and read verse 28 above. This brings different meaning for me. Verse 28 starts with "and" which means it's a continuation from what was said before.
1 // The Holy Spirit is praying/interceding for me! It is so humbling to know that even when I don't know what to pray, the Holy Spirit is praying on my behalf for my good. And God hears it and cares!
2 // The Holy Spirit isn't just praying anything, the Spirit is praying in harmony with God's will. So this "good" we speak of, it's in accordance with God's will, not ours. His view of "good" for us might not be what we were expecting.
I don't know why God has us down here yet but I do know that He's gotten us this far and is working for our good according to His will. That's enough for me to have hope.
I know that as I dwell on this, my mood will be lifted just in knowing that God is at work here and cares about me. And when I'm feeling lonely and don't know what to pray, the Spirit is praying for me. Things won't always be like this.
Please don't get me wrong, I know they could be MUCH worse...I am SO grateful for what I have. I'm just in a little funk. Please keep me and my husband in your prayers. We have hope for what God is doing!