Tuesday, July 1, 2014

From Independence to A Ball And Chain

For 12 years, I was on my own, folks.  I moved out of my parents house at age 18, supported myself through undergrad and graduate school and then lived the single life for 7 more years.  During this time, I bought and sold a condo, traveled the world, worked professionally with a typical city commute and raised a little puppy.



...because every single girl wants to play with light sabers at FAO Schwartz in NYC...

Then at age 30, I got married.


Don't get me wrong, I LOVE marriage and LOVE my husband, but can I just say, it's tough when you've established a way of life that a 22 year old who gets married hasn't done yet?

I had a way of budgeting my money down to an art, I could come and go as I pleased, I didn't have to run a little shopping spree by anyone, I had dinner with friends often during the week AND on the weekends.  I folded my clothes how I wanted to, prepared food how I wanted it, did laundry how I thought it should be done and no one ever questioned why I take over an hour to get ready because I hate being rushed.

While I do miss some of these things, I am learning so much about myself, how selfish I am, and how to truly be sacrificial because someone else is in the picture now.  I tried to live this verse out when I was single:

An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit... I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
~1 Corinthians 7:34a & 35

Since getting married, I have learned how selfish I can be.  It was tough for me to learn that I needed to run purchases by my husband.  I have a good job and was able to support myself...why should I answer to him?!?!  And really?!  You want me home more than one night a week to just sit there and watch TV together?!  I've got places to be!

Oh Kelli, oh Kelli.  That's when God slapped me on the back of my head and said "Wake up!  Your husband is your priority.  Respect him."  I suppose I knew this, but I wasn't able to live it out until God spoke to me through reading Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.  Marriage is truly about sacrifice...and sometimes it isn't what you want to do, because it doesn't fit your desires.


I love serving my husband.  I love spending time with him even if we're just sitting on the couch watching TV. God gave me this amazing man to love and I am trying, daily, to show him respect in ways that I never have before.  I have to put away my old selfish desires often.  We are now a team.  I now get to put his desires above my own and I honestly love it.  It is truly glorifying to the Lord.  It's not always easy, but I'm so appreciative of the opportunity I get to serve him.

If you're single, I know where you are.  I KNOW you don't have all the time in the world like the married folks think you do...you're busy too.  Use your time wisely...serve the Lord in whatever capacity He tells you to.

If you're married, use your time wisely as well.  Serve the Lord in whatever capacity He tells you to. And respect your spouse.

Our purpose in life, does NOT change once we get married.  Sure your spouse is your new priority, but our purpose in life is to glorify God and serve Him.  Married or not, we are all called to do that!


I'm linking up with Cassie at Sage the Blog and Cassie at Living on Cloud Nine for In The Word Link Up!



**Don't forget that the Monthly Faves link-up that Mia and I are hosting starts tomorrow!  Hope you join!**

21 comments:

  1. Ah, thanks for this. As a newlywed it's sometimes hard for me to remember that we're a team and that he deserves a 'say'. Sometimes I think it's hard for us independent girls to remember that our husband is on our team.

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  2. Yes. This is something I struggled with even when we started dating because I wanted to prepare for the whole "Submission" thing once we were married. It is definitely a difficult lesson, but Love & Respect also opened my eyes a lot and I think we are off to a good start! ;)

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  3. Love this! I have been struggling with my priorities in life, including God. I love the scripture you put up to live by when you were single. I had to write it down. I'm completely single and in no relationship, but it is something I have struggled with in past relationships. I'm very independent, this is something I will always need to turn to God for assistance with.

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  4. Kelli, I can't tell you how much this hits close to home. Brian and I just got married too and it's been such an adjustment for me. I am very much OCD and in the first couple months of marriage I was still trying to keep out house "MY HOUSE" but I finally had to ask the Lord to give me strength to lose some of my OCD tendencies and keep my heart centered on Him and my husband.
    Thankfully, Brian and I are teaching each other ways in stead of butting heads.

    Loved this today, thanks for sharing!

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  5. Wow! This post says so much...and it was definitely something I needed to read. Thanks for sharing!

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  6. Goodness, you are good girl!!! Love this so much! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. :)

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  7. Oh my you did so much!!! I think this was more how my hubby was (since he's older than me)! I love that we (my husband and i) make our relationship our priority!!

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  8. oh yes when i got married at 26 i realized how selfish i was and how living on my own for a year had totally thrown me for a loop I had to relearn to live with a roommate, this time my husband

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    1. Hey Allison!! Did I see that you just got married too?! Congrats!!! It's been too long since we've caught up!

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  10. I so appreciate this post, not because I was single forever before getting married (I've been with my husband since high school), but because it is always hard to serve others all the time. For me, it isn't my husband - that's a TREAT! Ha. It's my kids who can be demanding (because they're little and need so much) and not very thankful (because they don't know, yet, to thank me for simple things). It's so important to remember that sacrifice leads to such wonderful things. Thanks for the reminder!

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    1. Of course! I've heard it's so similar with children :) Your kids will be so grateful for you someday...you're such a great mother. I just love your heart for them!

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  11. Yes! What a good word! It does make it harder for those of us who didn't get married straight out of college, but so thankful to have Godly men to stand by our side through the hard times and the good times xoxo

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  12. Thank you because I definitely needed to hear this today! As much as I really, really love my husband, we've been at odds lately over the whole house hunting situation. We want to live in different areas and we like different types of houses so it's been challenging/stressful! I am learning a lot about how to work together as a team, let's just say that, haha!

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  13. I absolutely love this, and it's so true. We're here to glorify God and to make disciples of all nations - that never changes!

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  14. This is an awesome post!!! Marriage is hard. We got married right after college. I never really did the live on my own, single gal in the city thing. But I think society today tells women to be independent of a man and somehow submission is a dirty word. Thanks for putting a biblical perspective on what God wants our marriages to be like.

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    1. Definitely! Yes! I should have gone more into that...maybe I will in another post. I've been talking and thinking a lot about submission and what it Biblically means. It's such a beautiful and not demeaning thing!

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  15. You put this into words so eloquently! Stress points in a marriage get easier with time from my experience, but this main issue of knowing that our marriage it to glorify God and not get our way is key! Thanks for the much needed reminder, Kelli.

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    1. Amen! I have so much to learn from friends like you, Jen!

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  16. Giiiirl. I know we've talked about stuff like this before but it's so true! We got married when I was 27 and it was so hard. I still struggle with certain things. But it will get easier. Promise :)

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